The Couch of Sin - you don't want to know how it got it's name.

"Backstreet's Back, Awwwwwight"!! (And so are we, baby!)

2005-03-10T16:01:00.000-06:00

Wow - Clubber and I have been taking an extended hiatus and apologize. Those wild clubs in Ibiza kept us busy.

Speaking of having TOO much fun, lookie what we have here?

It's the Backstreet Boys own Nick Carter, who doesn't look at all his macho self.

He got pulled over and charged with a DUI last week......you'd never see Justin Timberlake doing something like this......

Different can be good!

2005-01-18T14:18:00.000-06:00

Well, to those few that actually read this thing, I was bored today and changed the look of the COUCH....I just need to figure out how to get our links back on the side there, I haven't had the time to sort through the code that BLOGGER gives you to change it.....Oh well! It was just time for a change, looking at that sick orange banner at the top for too long.......

Maybe this will be a trend....

2005-01-13T13:23:00.000-06:00

...it seems as if they finally started to realize that there were too many shitty reality TV shows on nowadays.....

CBS pulls 'The Will' -- after one airing
Show was lowest-rated in network's lineup

NEW YORK (AP) -- CBS lost "The Will" after just one night.

This reality series, which logged a minuscule 4.2 million viewers on its premiere airing Saturday, has been axed by CBS, the network confirmed Wednesday. Despite heavy promotion, "The Will" ranked 79th place in viewers, according to Nielsen Media Research, making it CBS' lowest-ranked show of the week. (The week's most-watched show, CBS' "CSI," drew almost 29 million viewers.)

A rerun of CBS' Sunday crime drama "Cold Case" will plug the hole this Saturday, the network said.

A reality show whose 10 participants vied to be sole heir to the fortune of a 73-year-old rancher, "The Will" thus joins a handful of other one-shot blunders in TV history.

The most recent was "South of Sunset," a CBS detective drama with former Eagles rocker Glenn Frey, which debuted October 27, 1993, then was never seen again. With a 6.1 rating, that show attracted what was deemed the smallest audience ever for a series premiere on any major network.

For the sake of comparison, "The Will" got a 2.9 rating.

As the kids get back to school after the holidays......

2005-01-03T14:27:00.000-06:00

Geez! It's been a while since either Clubber or I posted anything on this blog that only the two of us read...........we're lonely in this big cyber-space thing.

Why the fuck did you try to sneak a jelly doughnut in your foot locker, Private Pyle?

2004-11-17T16:07:00.000-06:00

Vincent D'Onofrio can't seem to stop fainting

I want, I want Charles in charge of uh, Ginger?

2004-11-17T10:40:00.000-06:00

30-year old America's favorite oldest daughter and eventual Baywatch lifeguard Nicole Eggert tapped to be one of the two Gingers on TBS's previously unnecessary, but now mildly intriguing new realtiy show, The Real Gilligan's Island.

Oh, and supposedly Gilligan gets some this time around.

It's okay to love your students, just don't LOVE them!

2004-11-11T09:51:00.000-06:00

Meet Senorita Walker. The 33-year-old Chicago high school teacher is facing felony charges for allegedly paying three teenage boys for sex and plying them with pot and booze. According to cops, Walker initially met one of the boys, aged 15, at the school where she worked, and met the two other victims, both 16, through the student. Walker, who allegedly paid the trio about $5000 for their services, was charged with three counts of criminal sexual abuse and jailed in lieu of $300,000 bail. Walker's encounters with the teenagers occurred earlier this year in her South Side home and at a hotel in nearby Rockford. Walker, the mother of a five-year-old boy, has been suspended with pay from her post as a special-education teacher at Robeson High School.

Are you shitting me? She paid the kids AND got them drunk and high? Root.

Also, Rockford is NOWHERE "nearby" the south side of Chicago........

You Aren't What You Eat

2004-11-04T15:42:00.000-06:00

Man tries to convert lions to Christianity with expected results

Election Day

2004-11-02T09:58:00.000-06:00

Remember the words of Geddy Lee...

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice

I chose though, in case you're wondering. And no matter what happens, don't blame me, I voted for Kodos.

One of them is not Joliet Jake

2004-11-01T14:20:00.000-06:00

So far today, I've found two people I grew up with are in the Illinois correctional system

I can certainly think of sports that have better names

2004-11-01T14:17:00.000-06:00

Cornholing is sweeping the midwest

Eyes Wide Shut

2004-10-31T13:43:00.000-06:00

There's something completely odd about attending a wedding on Halloween weekend, particularly when the bride and groom are odd. I could fill out an endless post with some of the strange things they came up with, and maybe with more sleep, at some point I will. A quick taste: bride wore a black dress, the placecards were tombstones, it was a costume party, the cake was dark chocolate frosted, the bridesmaids dresses had bat wings, etc.

But first, I have to get this tale off my chest, and as far as I know, it's 100% true. Allow me to explain.

I was dressed up in a mascot uniform. Now, when I'm at weddings, a couple of slow songs with the wife, the token House of Pain jumping around...that's about it. Most of the rest of the time, I'm off the floor and getting my drink on.

But when you're dressed up as a mascot, it's a license to party. There's no shame or self-conciousness. So I was dancing...a lot.

At one point I found myself dancing amongst a group, when another guest started dancing near me. Now, I can't be 100% sure of what she said, because the music was loud, and wearing a mascot head, well, it makes it hard to hear. But I'm pretty damn sure she was looking at me when she said:

"Wearing that thing makes it so easy for me to hit on you. I could suck your dick...it's like you're an inanimate object."

Now, Clubber's an alright guy...not a geek, but not usally the life of the party. So, having a woman dressed up in a cheerleader's outfit (albeit one where the team name was "Satan" instead of a traditional team) saying this to Clubber on the dancefloor...with his wife less than 50 yards a way...well, Clubber was certainly thrown for a loop.

The kicker to this story: this guest was actually a former member of a fairly well-known 90's alternative band. There's actually a Yahoo! newsgroup dedicated to her. So, I was actually hit on by a semi-celebrity.

Two words: Mind fuck.

Of course, the other mildly ironic part of this story is that the celebrity's brother had actually hit on my wife an hour earlier. Too much scotch for him I guess.

What a wacky wedding. I'll never be it another one like it, I can tell you that.

Now that the Red Sox have FINALLY won the World Series....

2004-10-28T10:17:00.000-05:00

Well, it finally happened - the 4th or 5th sign of the apocalypse. Seeing as that it has been a rather interesting year in sports, a year that saw MANY trends ended, such as....(courtesy of ESPN.)

Droughts broken in 2004:

-Phil Mickelson was 0-42 in majors AS A PRO before his win at the Masters
-Peyton Manning was 0-3 in the playoffs before beating the Broncos (was looking to avoid joining Y.A. Tittle as only 0-4 QBs). Manning also topped the Chiefs the following week.
-Kevin Garnett was 0-6 in playoff series before the T'Wolves beat the Nuggets (Garnett joined Chris Dudley and Jerry Sloan as the only players to win their first series in their 7th attempt).
-Dave Andreychuk appeared in 1,753 games (reg. and postseason) before his first Stanley Cup (an NHL record).
-The Astros were 0-7 in postseason series before their win (was the worst playoff record in MLB)
-Northwestern defeated Ohio State for the first time since 1971 (snapping a 24-game losing streak to OSU, the longest streak in Big Ten history).
-USC won a share of the National Championship for the 1st time since 1978 -- LSU for the 1st time since 1958.
-Calgary Flames made the playoffs for the first time since 1996 (ending the longest active drought in NHL).
-Canadian team (Flames) reached Stanley Cup Finals for 1st time since 1994 (Canucks), ending longest streak without an Canadian team.
-Dodgers win a postseason game for the first time since 1988, made the playoffs for 1st time since 1996.
-Washington State won AT UCLA in basketball for the first time ever (snapping 47-game losing streak).

He must've been watching Small Wonder

2004-10-19T16:26:00.000-05:00

Man's TV sets off universal distress signal

Pour out some of the 40...

2004-10-19T09:24:00.000-05:00

...for Maggie, the beloved family dog, whose passed away this morning.

O-VER-RAT-ED (clap, clap, clapclapclap)

2004-10-18T09:55:00.000-05:00

Esquire magazine ranks Angelina Jolie as sexiest woman alive

Please.

Turn on Univision, Telefutura, or Telemundo once in a while, and there...there you will see what sexy is.

The rest of the top 5.

2. Jessica Simpson (also vastly overrated)
3. Beyonce (OK, but she doesn't do much for me)
4. Charlize Theron (much better)
5. Jennifer Aniston (again, much better)

I often get them mixed-up too

2004-10-14T16:55:00.000-05:00

Billboard can't keep Usher and George Srait straight

I'm the Dude...or el duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing....

2004-10-13T10:50:00.000-05:00

Which Big Lebowski character are you?

Dude, you got bigger problems than Eminem mocking you

2004-10-12T16:11:00.000-05:00

Michael Jackson's feelings are hurt and he wants something done about it

It ain't "We are the World"!

2004-10-12T09:48:00.000-05:00

Seems like some "musicians" got together to rally support for ridding the White House of good ol' Dubya....

Irrelevant Pop Stars Unite Against Bush

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to motivate Americans to go to the polls on Nov. 2, a coalition of irrelevant pop stars is winding up a 36-city tour that will culminate in a concert on Oct. 11 in Washington, D.C.

"The Vote For Change tour has been put together by a wide cross-section of artists with one purpose: to remove Bush from office," said Stone Gossard, whose band Pearl Jam enjoyed popularity during the grunge phase of the early to mid-'90s. "Not everyone here is pro-Kerry, but everyone here agrees that Bush has to go. Just rocking the vote isn't enough. You've gotta rock for change."

Pearl Jam will share the stage with such onetime chart-toppers as Jackson Browne, John Fogerty, and Crosby, Stills & Nash.

"I can't let this election take place without knowing I fought as hard as I could for a more compassionate leader," 51-year-old John Mellencamp said. "If playing my 1986 hit 'R.O.C.K. In The U.S.A.' at the Hancher Auditorium in Iowa City will dissuade people from voting for Bush, then I'm going to do it."

The Vote For Change bill contains a wide range of artists whose actual relationship with American politics remains unclear. Rock group R.E.M., blues artist Bonnie Raitt, and the country group Dixie Chicks will join R&B artists such as Kenny "Babyface" Edmonds, co-founder of LaFace Records, which released the Bodyguard soundtrack.

"I couldn't ignore all the bad that's going on," said Edmonds, who co-wrote Bobby Brown's 1992 single "Humpin' Around." "I had to do my part to stop all the... bad things."

Rounding out the bill are such lesser-known indie artists as 24-year-old singer-songwriter Conor Oberst (a.k.a. Bright Eyes), and Seattle-based rock band Death Cab For Cutie.

"Bush is fucking evil," said Nick Harmer, bassist for Death Cab For Cutie. "The economy is for shit, and we're stuck in this unjust war that he lied about to get us to agree to. Me and the other guys in the band wanted to do something real to get him out of office. We were like, 'We gotta do a concert.'"

Culture and shit

2004-10-11T21:36:00.000-05:00

I elected to take the woman to the theatre for her birthday...on the condition that I got to pick the play. So, I chose a world premiere of an Arthur Miller play, figuring Art has made some pretty good things in the past.

She liked it, I tended to agree with the critics who thought it was eh.

One highlight that I missed though...as we were walking into the theatre about 30 minutes before showtime, someone came flying into the lobby on their bike. The wife noticed that it was one of the stars.

Too bad I didn't realize it...I would have told Private Joker that he could come over and fuck my sister.

It was good to see Alice, Mike Hammer, and John "Axe" Adcox are all still doing good work, even if the play itself was a little lacking.

Two bad ideas for the price of one post

2004-10-05T14:32:00.000-05:00

1) OK, the caffeinated beer I'm down with, but ginseng?

2) Just last night, I was extolling the virtues of this movie, saying that they could never make a movie like this again, because of the P.C. police. Until I find out today that they are remaking it. Uch, if I find out you're company has anything to do with it and you don't stop it, I'm charging you with murder two...depraved indifference to human life.

W-O-R-D Up!!

2004-09-28T17:49:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so I was driving home from work last night, flipping around the local radio dial, when on my local alternative rock station, I hear quite an interesting song.....

It seems as if these guys have done a cover of these guys few hits....

...and I gotta say, it wasn't too bad, although I still prefer the original song.

Also, these guys have done another cover on their upcoming "Greatest Hits" CD, where they cover these guys perhaps most famous song, this one

Just thought I would share!

Another legend passes on

2004-09-22T09:51:00.000-05:00

Hey, the guy liked women...naked women...large chested naked women, and that's alright.

R.I.P. Russ Meyer

Greed Is Good

2004-09-21T10:48:00.000-05:00

For the 8,713,498th time, the men and women who educated Gusto, Uch, and myself are threatening to strike.

Geeez, Not again

Amazingly, the three of us found the one four-year window where they didn't strike.

As we get closer to election season.........

2004-09-20T15:19:00.000-05:00

.....technology seems to be the answer to avoiding mistakes similar to Florida 2000. What could be the cons of such a system?

Just leave it to our friends at the onion to come up with a few.....

Show me that smile again...

2004-09-14T18:12:00.000-05:00

Carol, where is my automobile?

Automobile? Errrrrr, kooooosh

I love it when child stars go bad. Come back to life, Dana Plato...we miss you.

I made it a year

2004-09-14T18:07:00.000-05:00

holy smokes.

And throwing chairs at fans in stadium isn't kosher either...

2004-09-14T11:34:00.000-05:00

Ahhh-nold rejects necrophilia in his backyard

I didn't realize this was a big issue in California...I'll have to keep it mind when I go to visit Uch.

Uch? You listening? No sex with dead people, even if their last name is Hilton.

A Marriage of two of my favorite things....

2004-09-10T10:12:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite sports-writers, Bill Simmons, A.K.A. "The Sports Guy", has done it again. He has taken, perhaps, my favorite movie of all time, Goodfellas, and picked his favorite quotes from the movie and addressed various issues in the upcoming NFL season.

Check out his hilarious take on the movie, life, and the NFL here.

What else is going on in the world? Nothing much here - I look forward to reading more about Uch's travels to NYC, and that's about it.

It's an addiction worse than crack!

2004-09-08T13:17:00.000-05:00

Sports fans - let me tell you......I am currently fielding no less than 4 fantasy football teams as we speak. Over Labor Day weekend, I spent 3 hours on Sunday afternoon, while my wife's family was in town, no less, on the computer, drafting in an on-line draft......in a league with students of mine and their dads, if you can believe it. Then, last night, I had to go and draft another team for the teacher-only league I am in at school.....took 3 more hours out of my life.

Look, I have enough going on in my life right now.....house renovations, work, mindless other tasks, oh yeah, a wife who is 5 months pregnant. Do I need another distraction, or rather, FOUR more distractions right now?

You betcha. I can't wait until Sunday, and the best invention ever, the Sunday Ticket!

To quote Hawk Harrelson, "He gone..."

2004-09-01T12:37:00.000-05:00

Rafferty is off on a field trip to visit Poochie the Rockin' Dog.

Enter the new attempt at the dog world...a yet-to-be-named chihuahua who should be a better fit. Can't be a worse fit.

Raf, well, Raf wouldn't sleep for an hour in the middle of the night last night and just kept trying to climb on the bed. That doesn't fly in Clubber's "Sleep is the most important thing in the world" world. The last straw for Mrs. Clubber was when Raf climbed up on all fours on the bathroom counter, sitting in the sink, while she was showering this morning.

We both felt kinda bad about having to return the aminal, as my nieces used to put it, but we were so unhappy with this dog...it just was not a good fit.

This one doesn't figure to bite or try to tackle me as much...I think it'll work out smoother.

Man's best friend my ass

2004-08-31T10:49:00.000-05:00

The wife got a dog yesterday. I don't really like dogs. I especially don't like dogs that jump or bite.

Within 60 seconds of my getting home, the dog jumped on me and bit me.

I barely slept last night...I was on "orange alert" most of the night. The dog's pissed in the house three times already and sleep is barely a part of her vocabulary. And she whines, lord does she whine.

Someday I may look back at this and laugh, but right now I'm just yelling "Serenity Now!"

I just love the "genius" of the NCAA.....

2004-08-23T08:03:00.000-05:00

I don't get it.....the NCAA is not allowing him to play football, because he accepted sponsorships so HE COULD TRAIN FOR THE OLYMPICS, yet, for some reason, people like him get to practice and play, that is, until he is in trouble, again....but then he will probably get a slap on the wrist.

These are the same idiots who seem to think the BCS is a smart, direct way to determine the national championship in football.........

Unless David comes back and Sammy gets canned...

2004-08-19T17:35:00.000-05:00

...I'd rather watch the O's with a pork sandwich from Boog's in my hand than watch Van Hagar.

Van Hagar suing the Ooh-Aah Birds

I know, I know

2004-08-18T15:53:00.000-05:00

All sorts of things in the world going on and I've disappeared. It's been work and turf toe, I swear. I'm missing the Olympics, my wife keeps nagging me to get a dog, they still can't figure out the A/C at work. I like this blogging shit...I can vent.

And, best of all, the governor of New Jersey is an (allegedly) sexually harrassing (admitted) homosexual.

My college buddies still remember two lines from my school days.

"I will not die in New Jersey"
- Clubber, circa 1994, on the way back from a Seton Hall game at the Meadowlands in a blinding snowstorm.

"What's that smell?
"Son, you're in New Jersey"
- Exchange with a toll collector at exit 16W of the Jersey Turnpike when asked about the stench eminating in the air.

Only in the Garden State could we have this happen...

...except for maybe here...

"Evil Empire" spoofed!

2004-08-11T18:57:00.000-05:00

Here's one of the funniest comedians out there doing his famous spoof of our current resident of the Oval Office.....check it out!

Funny ass shit!

A question that's been bugging me for ages...

2004-08-10T22:01:00.000-05:00

How could Oran "Juice" Jones afford a $3,700 lynx coat that he didn't want to mess up before he hit it big with "The Rain"?

Yeah, these things keep me up at night.

Alive and Kickin'

2004-08-10T20:01:00.000-05:00

Don't say goodbye
Don't say goodbye
In the final seconds who's gonna save you?

I'm still around. Still can't shake the cold...it seems to be getting worse, in fact.

I'm just about over our softball team's 6-run collapse in the 7th to get knocked out of the playoffs. I went 4-5...I'm part of the me generation.

This morning I farted something that smelled like seafood.

My laptop's monitor broke...second time something bad went happeen to it in less than a year...IBM is getting close to the permanent banned list.

Back on the course tomorrow morning with Thundre and I can't wait.

Someone wanna explain this one???

2004-08-06T18:44:00.000-05:00

Sports fans, I am stumped. I have been a Chicago Bulls fan since before they were "DA BULLS", and remember being at games in the old Chicago Stadium when Granville Waiters and Kyle Macy were our top scoring options. Yesterday, here's what the beloved did, and I can't figure out how this is going to make us better. This is courtesy of The Couch's good friends at ESPN....

Jamal Crawford is on his way to the New York Knicks.

After signing a seven-year deal with the Chicago Bulls, one that ESPN.com's Marc Stein reports is worth $56 million with a player option to became a free agent again in 2010, the point guard was traded to New York in a six-player deal that was weeks in the making.

In exchange for Crawford and veteran forward Jerome Williams, New York gave the Bulls got former Illinois standout Frank Williams, center Dikembe Mutombo, forward Othella Harrington and center Cezary Trybanski.

"Obviously Jamal is the best player in this deal, and it's not easy giving up a young talent like that," Bulls general manager John Paxson said. "The way that we looked at it is there were certain things we needed to get. We had to get substantial financial (relief) and this gives us some flexibility."

The deal will save the Bulls about $18 million in cap space. The contracts of all of the New York players expire after this year, and Jerome Williams still has $25 million and four years left on his current deal.

"It ends up being one we all can live with," Paxson said. "We're just not in a position to give Jamal the type of deal he was looking for, and Isiah was really good at working to get the player he wanted."

Crawford led the Bulls with 17.3 points a game last year and is one of the league's top young guards. After averaging 11.2 points and almost four assists in his first four seasons in the NBA, the restricted free agent would have commanded a hefty, long-term contract. But the Bulls have made prep-to-pro big men Tyson Chandler and Eddy Curry the cornerstones of their rebuilding effort, and as restricted free agents next summer, they'll be eligible for their own big deals.

Enter the Knicks.

New York general manager Isiah Thomas has been interested in Crawford for months, saying he was at the top of the Knicks' wish list this summer.

"He reminds me of myself in the way he handles the basketball and his ability to create and score," Thomas said of Crawford, who will wear Thomas' old No. 11. "The ability to score and pass the ball are two things that he possesses. He's a tremendous talent and I'm honored that he would choose No. 11 to wear."

Crawford wore No. 1 with the Bulls, but Penny Hardaway already has that number.

Crawford also gives the Knicks insurance for Allan Houston, who missed much of last season and the playoffs with knee and leg injuries. The Knicks lost to the New Jersey Nets in the first round of the playoffs.

"Last year when Allan (Houston) went down, we were saying that if he was healthy we'd be able to go further," Thomas said. "Before we started this whole chase and pursued it, we talked about if Allan was healthy and we talked about his coming off the bench. He had no problem coming off the bench."

Thomas also was excited about Jerome Williams, whose tenacious defensive play has earned him the nickname "Junkyard Dog." He's averaged 6.8 rebounds and 6.9 points in his eight NBA seasons, and was acquired by the Bulls last year in the trade that sent Jalen Rose to Toronto.

"Jerome Williams is a rebounding machine," Thomas said. "We forget the most important parts of the game is rebounding and scoring."

While the Bulls helped themselves economically, they're left with a young team again. Curry and Chandler have played only three seasons, and Chandler missed much of last year with back problems. Kirk Hinrich had a strong rookie season, but he's one year removed from Kansas. Ben Gordon and Luol Deng were picked in this summer's draft.

Frank Williams, who led Illinois to back-to-back Big Ten titles in 2001 and 2002, will give the back court some experience. But he's played in just 77 games in two years with New York, averaging 3.2 points and two assists.

"It's difficult to win with a young basketball team," Paxson said. "The concern right now is we are a young back court. I keep telling everybody, we talk so much about Jamal, but our hopes hinge on Tyson Chandler's health and Eddy Curry's development."

That's where Mutombo could help. An eight-time All-Star and four-time defensive player of the year, Mutombo has averaged 12.2 points, 12.1 rebounds and 3.33 blocked shots in 13 years with New York, New Jersey, Philadelphia, Atlanta and Denver. He is fourth in NBA history with 2,996 blocks.

He played in 65 games with the Knicks last season, averaging 6.7 rebounds and 5.6 points.

"I just know Dikembe through other people. The one thing I know about him is he's a true professional," Paxson said. "He's been around league and seen a lot of things, and he has a great, positive attitude about this business. It's going to be a wonderful thing for our young guys to learn from him."

Oh yeah, thanks again WLUP (and WIIL too)

2004-08-06T15:32:00.000-05:00

For the second time this week, I've heard a song on two stations at the same time. The other night W. Axl reminded me that I could be his, but I'm way out of line. Today, Billy taught me for the 7,351st time that the definition of lonely is the night when you find yourself alone.

Seriously, I know he is the gayest straight man to ever live on this planet (and I can't wait for Gusto's joking retort to that comment (a three-foot putt involvoing somebody prominently linked on this page)), but does anybody...ANYBODY...still feel the need to hear another Billy Squier song? I mean, I like shitty classic rock more than anyone, but come on!!!

And I'm utterly fucking speechless that there is a Billy Squier website.

Off to the big crack pipe in the sky

2004-08-06T15:28:00.000-05:00

RIP, Rick...we're better for having known you...I guess.

WLUP, you're killing me

2004-08-05T22:54:00.000-05:00

Even worse than the cold...even worse than the flatulence...the fact that I heard this song on the way to work this morning, and over 13 hours later, it's STILL stuck in my head.

How come no one ever gets this excited about my bowel movements

2004-08-05T11:49:00.000-05:00

Nice caption editing, AP...

Allen Iverson contributes in more ways than one for USA Basketball

Editor's Note: Two hours later they fixed it, so if you missed the joke, well, it wasn't a "shot" that Iverson took in the original caption.

Just ain't my day

2004-08-04T15:49:00.000-05:00

I have a cold. The A/C was broken on my side of the office for four days, so it was 85 at my desk and 67 in other parts of the office...I'm blaming that, my walking back and forth between hot and cold, hot and cold, hot and cold. It's fixed now the A/C that is, but it's August in Chi-Town, and I'm ill...and it sucks. Today was my day off. Turned down an invite to go to the boat, couldn't go golfing...my only saving grace was that Rocky was on ESPN Classic, but now, nothing's on. I'm sitting around doing nothing. My wife wants me to clean the house, but I have no motivation.

Plus the grapefruit juice is giving me the worst gas.

From the "Can I have my cake and eat it too?" files....

2004-08-04T09:24:00.000-05:00

Let me ask all you heterosexual males a question......

If you were married to this girl (Ali Landry), would you ever think about cheating on her? Well, that's exactly what our good friend A.C. Slater (Mario what's his name) did......can I get a "root" from the congregation? How greedy can one man get?

LATEST: Television couple ALI LANDRY and MARIO LOPEZ have given up on saving their brief marriage and have filed for divorce.

SAVED BY THE BELL star Lopez and actress-turned-TV host Landry wed in April (04), but split just days into their marriage.

Now, despite Lopez's efforts to save his marriage, his estranged wife has filed divorce papers in Los Angeles Superior Court, citing "irreconcilable differences".

Harold & Kumar

2004-07-31T12:39:00.000-05:00

Went and saw Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle last night. And I agree with both of the local reviews...it's not gonna win an Oscar, but for a stoner road trip movie, it's hysterical. And it really reached out to me despite only getting stoned once and never having actually eaten at a White Castle.

There are different scenes that definitely remind me invidually of Uch, Gusto, and of course El Thundre. I hope they see it soon so I can discuss with them.

Remember that scene, when Flanders finally flipped out?

2004-07-30T01:13:00.000-05:00

That's how Clubber feels. Work, well, work. I feel like I'm mere hours from exploding like some Italian volcano in ancient times.

My, how the mighty have fallen.....

2004-07-29T14:15:00.000-05:00

Interesting news item I came upon this morning.....

"In West Hartford, Conn., three years after O.J. Simpson was acquitted, renowned lawyer Johnnie Cochran defended two rottweilers accused of barking too much, but he lost the case. Cochran represented his friend Flora Allen (mother of basketball player and actor Ray Allen), whose dogs were the subject of numerous barking complaints, but he failed to persuade a judge to lift a 9 p.m. outdoor curfew on the dogs."

I like how the article said Ray Allen was an actor. That's like saying Allen Iverson is a rapper.

Here's one I thought that might interest my partner, as it deals with one of his beloved, straight from ESPN.

Catching Up With Clubber

2004-07-25T18:46:00.000-05:00

I'm currently watching an episode of The Equalizer...guest starring none other than you know, a funny looking guy and the coach of the Adams Atoms. If this isn't 80's, I don't know what is.

Just got back from working the Man U.-Bayern game. God I'm glad I didn't pay to go to that game. Patheticly boring 0-0 game, won by Bayern in PK's.

Played golf on Friday with Gusto and Thundre...shot poorly...130 for those of you scoring at home...still addicted...need more. Beat Gusto by a stroke, got killed by Thundre. Had ?dinner with the boys and the wives Friday night...I wonder if we'll ever see one friend again...sigh.

Oh and I got a doctor's bill in the mail...from four years ago. I don't even remember seeing this doctor. Is there a statute of limitations or something

Hey, no towels man!

2004-07-20T11:17:00.000-05:00

Sorry I've been quiet. Work's been for sucks lately.

Two random thoughts I wanted to share for posterity that no one cares about.

First...I've become addicted to golf. I played a little in high school, but I decided this summer that I wanted to be a credit to my race. I've played 3 times already and I can't stop. It's like crack. Expensive and addicting. And I'm getting better...I've gone from 134 to 125 to 116. If I keep playing look out, Tiger.

Second...had my first screaming nightmare since I was a kid the other night. I dreamt I was back in my family home and while I was sleeping, my two stepbrothers decided to attack me. I dreamt they were getting near my bed and I rolled over to defend myself. In doing so, my arm hit my wife, and thinking it was one of them, I hit her and started screaming. Needless to say I freaked the shit out of her, not to mention myself. Man, I'm turning into Bushwick Bill.

Got some pictures back from the big weekend......

2004-07-20T09:44:00.000-05:00

Thought you may want to see them!

this is all of us in the pool, enjoying the crystal clear water......

here's what Dr. Feelgood did most of the weekend, god bless his little heart!

It was so HOT during the weekend! Here we are BEFORE we played 18..........and here's what we looked like after 4 plus hours in the sun and heat and humidity!

Here's another one of Dr. Feelgood, in one of his better moods......

Here's what Clubber, Thunder and I lived on during the weekend....

....and here's what the good doctor enjoyed one of

Hope you enjoyed the slide show!!!

I've always loved maps...

2004-07-12T16:50:00.000-05:00

...and I'm gonna spend hours tonight looking at this one.

Springfield, USA

4 Posts In One Day!

2004-07-08T21:51:00.000-05:00

But this one I couldn't resist

RBI Baseball Lives

RBI Baseball kicked ass. We spent WAY too much time playing this our freshman year, complete with a prize belt that was passed around as champions were defeated (OK, so it was a highly decorated paper plate...details).

Now, apparently I can figure out a way to play it on my PC. And get totally whacked on the drinking game in the process.

What's next? Blades of Steel?

Soccer and Uch's Girlfriends

2004-07-08T17:17:00.000-05:00

From Greg Lalas on his weekly MLS commentary

It's kind of like this: In the European leagues, you've got four Keira Knightleys and 14 Ally Sheedys. Even if Keira has a bad hair day and shows up unshowered and wearing a Hanson t-shirt, you're still going try your luck with her before you settle for Ally. Right? Right. On the flipside, MLS is a bunch of midlevel beauties, Selma Blair, Sandra Bullock, Maggie Gyllenhaal, and the like. None of them are stunning but you wouldn't throw any of them out of bed for eating crackers. However, if Sandra Bullock shows up at Starbucks hungover and puffy-eyed and Selma Blair shows up in a little black dress, odds are Selma gets the nod. (Unless you like the I-was-out-late-and-puked look, in which case, more power to you.) Next time, the roles might be reversed, and Sandra will win your heart.

That's what parity does. It makes every MLS game that much more important because even the slightest discrepancy in performance from week to week, even minute to minute, might mean the difference between a glorious one night stand with Keira Knightley and an uncomfortable breakfast with Ally Sheedy.

Fuck

2004-07-08T14:39:00.000-05:00

Apparently my alma mater continues to swim downward.

Just what I needed to hear about today

My mind's playing tricks on me

2004-07-08T12:26:00.000-05:00

Every 6-12 months I have a dream that I'm back in college, and finals are coming up, and I've forgotten everything I learn. Mind you, I've been out of college for nearly 10 years now.

Well, last night I had a modified version of the dream...I was in high school this time. Same concept. People I knew in high school, I was asking them what classes I had taken that semester so I could cram. And then I started cramming. Eerie.

But, I got just over 11 hours of sleep last night, which was choice. I need to be well-rested to get over the fact that the 11:30 AM Saved By The Bell has been dropped by TBS. Unacceptable.

Ooops

2004-07-07T17:14:00.000-05:00

Gusto actually used an outdated picture for the Good Doctor. Here's the more accurate representation:

Dr. Feelgood

Only TWO more days!!!!

2004-07-07T16:13:00.000-05:00

I can hardly wait! There are only about 48 hours until.....

Clubber

El Thundre Del Norte

and

Dr. Feelgood

get to

MC Gusto's pad for a little pool, cigars, BBQ and golf!

It's just too bad

Can

and

Uch

couldn't go, or we'd have the whole posse here! I can't wait!!!!

I'm such a sentimental sap...

2004-07-04T19:15:00.000-05:00

...been at work today and had Rock Fest on AMC. Watched Rocky III, then IV, then V, and just finished I, where, for the 18th consecutive time, I started to tear up during rounds 14 and 15. If there's a better piece of cinema than Round 14 of the Creed-Balboa fight in Rocky I, I haven't seen it.

Alas, I've had to pass on Rocky II to watch the Sox-Cubs game.

Well, I may have found my excuse for missing Thanksgiving this year...

2004-06-29T20:39:00.000-05:00

...like Jim Anchower once said in the Onion, goin' to REO is like goin' to church.

Sail the Caribbean with the, uh, best in classic rock

I wonder if Dennis DeYoung and Steve Perry are going to hook up with a rival ship for the Virgin Islands?

$250,000 Pyramid

2004-06-29T14:28:00.000-05:00

My slicing golf swing.

My walk because of my stiff neck.

Finding out that the nurse in the hospital ward where your mother is went to high school with you, and you had no clue who she was, despite her remembering you.

Um, "Things that are awkward"

Correct!

As we get closer to "returning" Iraq over........

2004-06-24T13:57:00.000-05:00

Something you might not have thought of.......

Yet ANOTHER Reason to hate the GERMANS!!!

2004-06-24T13:45:00.000-05:00

With all apologies to my boy Clubber, this story just proves it yet again, those damn Germans need to go!!

British women are Europe's least hairy

"British women are the least hairy in Europe.

But their German counterparts are the hairiest, according to a survey by razor manufacturer Wilkinson.

A Europe-wide study from the company looked at the hair-removal habits of 1,000 women.

The survey found British girls are the ones who undertake the most hair removal, with more than 93% saying they use razors before wearing skirts and shorts for the summer.

Germans fell way behind with just 40% saying they regularly shaved. This however shows an improvement of seven per cent from studies carried out two years ago.

Spanish women ranked just behind the British with 82% preferring the smooth to the natural look. French and Italian ladies lay in the middle - but with more shaving than not."

I mean, it's re-stating an obvious fact. I mean, who do YOU think takes better care of their, uh, personal landscaping.....Elizabeth Hurley or Katarina Witt? I mean, c'mon!!!!

Words to live by

2004-06-23T11:53:00.000-05:00

Get out of here, Curtis . . . I don't hear you unless you knock.

God bless Spicoli.

Reflections on Mexico City

2004-06-22T09:34:00.000-05:00

1) There are a whole lot more 7-11's then I remember. They've invaded. I never did find out what Slurpee is in Spanish.

2) Hell is eating in a restuarant with three people who's primary language is Spanish, with the only English in the restaurant coming over the sound system, where you have to listen to 45 straight minutes of The Cure. Now that's a way to kill an appetite.

3) When I first went there nearly five years ago, every building near the airport was painted with advertisements for Bardahl. That's been replaced by Holanda. Car care to ice cream...it's a more pleasant town already.

8 whole days...

2004-06-16T21:18:00.000-05:00

...man I suck. But I'll get caught up soon.

It's that time of the year, people!

2004-06-08T14:01:00.000-05:00

Thanks to our good friends at The Onion, you can now feel safe about this time of the year.......

Just make sure you're not in your mobile-home if this happens!

(Hey, it's a slow news day....it was either this, or discussing the fact that 98% of the TV roles that he has starred in have all used the same name......Tony.)

Discuss amongst yourselves. I need a beer.

Ronald Reagan died today

2004-06-05T19:24:00.000-05:00

The bad thing is I thought he had died 8 years ago.

"Don't Call it a Comeback!"

2004-06-04T11:01:00.000-05:00

Uch, I have returned! Sorry for the delay, but the Gusto was busy taking care of some bid-ness. We're coming up on a very special anniversary for someone that is near and dear to both myself, Clubber, and Uch.

"LOS ANGELES, California (Reuters) -- Ten years after the double murder for which he was acquitted but left a virtual pariah, O.J. Simpson says in a television interview that he is angry at his slain ex-wife and hopes to star in a new TV reality show."

CNN is where I found this story, and all I gots to say is, "OY VEY!!!"

Where's Gusto

2004-06-03T20:23:00.000-05:00

2004-06-03T20:17:00.000-05:00

I ate gyros for lunch today and haven't crapped yet. For 20 years I hadn't eaten gyros because of the heartburn it gave me. But no heartburn today. Man, all those wasted years.

And quit saying it about me too

2004-06-01T19:59:00.000-05:00

Ronaldo wants you to quit calling him fat

Why do I envision the Ghostbustermobile?

2004-06-01T19:57:00.000-05:00

I don't even know where to begin with this. I mean, are guys going to answer the door with a full-fledged stiffy?

Freakin Mother Nature

2004-05-26T10:19:00.000-05:00

Trying to get to work today...surprised I didn't see this sign:

The freakin Des Plaines River flood has made travel difficult...roads shut down or reduced to one lane. One of these days we'll get some sun to evaporate it.

It hasn't been that bad for me, I suppose...a lot of people who live near the river have had it far worse than me. I just had some road rage today, I guess.

Oh, yeah

2004-05-24T00:14:00.000-05:00

If anyone can tell me how to get Smokey Robinson's Crusin' out of my head, that would be great. I've listened to it ten times tonight in hopes of saturating it out, but even that hasn't worked.

I.O.U.

2004-05-24T00:13:00.000-05:00

One post that's worth a darn. Man I'm tired. Softball team won, soccer team lost, and I've been up way too long today.

Yet ANOTHER great TV show that will be ruined with a shitty movie....

2004-05-21T08:52:00.000-05:00

When will the maddness end? First it was Charlie's Angels (and the even worse sequel), and then it was Starsky and Hutch, which wasn't all it's cracked up to be, and now the next semi-shitty 70's TV show to get the movie makeover????.........The frickin Dukes of Hazzard!!

What's next, a "Love Boat" movie with Larry David as the Captain? How about "Fantasy Island" with Vern Troyer as Tattoo?

Oh well, I guess there is ONE brightspot to this whole thing........

Guess who is playing Daisy?

Oh boy!! At least we'll see her in those nice shorts....Where is our buddy UCH to put an end to all this needless greenlighting???

Rain Delay Theater

2004-05-19T20:54:00.000-05:00

As I sit here at Estadio Hiram Bithorn, waiting out a rain delay in the contraction series between the Brew-Crew and Les Expos, I wonder, why does John Fogerty wonder if I've ever seen the rain? Of course I've seen the rain. So has Oran "Juice" Jones. So have a lot of people. What a dumb question.

I'm pissed. 3 more outs and this would've been official. Instead, it's websurfing and wishing I had either my wife or the last forty pages of my book. This sucks.

Trip's been fun though. No sunburn yet, got some good pool time, and Uch still owes me some drinks.

Another Job I'd love to have!

2004-05-19T10:33:00.000-05:00

I wonder if you get a good health plan with this job....... pink must have had to turn down a ton of people....I wonder what the qualifications are???

"I need my nipples squeezed before every show. It gets me pumped to go onstage. My assistant Jackie has it down to a fine art."
--Pink in Us, telling more than we needed to know about warming up her wazoos. Maybe a little nip before the show never hurt anything, but this strikes us as getting the party started wrong

0-3

2004-05-16T21:11:00.000-05:00

Clubber's softball team lost today. Clubber lined out twice to the pitcher. Clubber's prediction of pain was obviously misdirected. Clubber upset.

Reunited and it feels so good

2004-05-15T14:04:00.000-05:00

MC Gusto and I had lunch together for the first time in ages. It was so good to get back see each other, and we brought some talent to our booth.

Yeah, now figure out which one of us is which...

The bad part of the internet

2004-05-13T22:21:00.000-05:00

Checking the weather at multiple sources and finding next week's working vacation in territorial paradise is going to be awash with rain, well, that's for sucks.

Hey Uch, how many drinks did you say were on you?

You all SUCK......Well, maybe we do, too.

2004-05-13T18:07:00.000-05:00

No one visits this site. Ever. Why not? Clubber Lang has some great thoughts, and I'm pretty witty as well!

I Live In A Town of Morons

2004-05-12T12:51:00.000-05:00

The Chicago Sun-Times asked readers to vote on the most painful memory in Chicago sports history. That nearly 29% of the voting public picked one of two LCS failures by the Scrubs over MJ's abrupt retirement or the town's redheaded stepchild actually throwing a World Series tells me I live in a town of sheep, and like Gordon Gecko once said, "sheep get slaughtered."

Cold Beverages, Puck, and Hoo-Hoos

2004-05-12T09:47:00.000-05:00

What a day...first I find out that Hooters Airlines is now flying relatively close to Chicago...there's now a second reason to travel to Gary. I'm going to have to take up golf for those trips to Myrtle Beach.

Then, down the road, the Tampa Bay Lightning are offering free unlimited beer if you sign up for season tickets.

Even high falutin people like Uch would have to enjoy these sins of the common man.

All the news that's fit to waste bandwith

2004-05-11T19:02:00.000-05:00

When an article about the son of the the least important Beatle joining a band whose current importance is around the level of the Baha Men makes the front news page of Yahoo, well, I'm calling it a slow news day.

And I thought I was dumb for dressing up like "The Rocky Horror Picture Show"....

2004-05-11T13:37:00.000-05:00

Talk about taking your favorite movie a BIT too far?

A 23-year-old man in Hartland, Maine, was hospitalized in March after apparently attempting to commit suicide by crucifying himself. According to an account in the Portland Press Herald, he built a wooden cross, placed it on the floor, and nailed one hand to it. According to the officer, "When he realized that he was unable to nail his other hand to the board, he called 911," although the officer said he wasn't sure if the call was for an ambulance or for someone to come help him nail the other hand. [Portland Press-Herald, 3-16-04]

I mean, I'd like to re-enact some scenes from movies.....("Wild Things" comes to mind immediately) but couldn't this jabrone find a better one????

What do these two STUDS look like?

2004-05-11T07:51:00.000-05:00

Ladies, I am sure you have been wondering, so brace yourselves!

Here's me, MC Gusto.....

And here's my boy, ClubberLang....

I know, ladies, it's hard to believe we are single!

Sometimes, when I'm down...

2004-05-10T22:05:00.000-05:00

...I pull myself together by asking myself . . . what would he do?

So, you may be wondering what the name means?!?!?

2004-05-10T21:44:00.000-05:00

Okay - back in the dizzay, my man the DJ (Clubber Lang) and I knew this guy who loved to bring unsuspecting young women down to the basement of his parents house and have his way with them. He'd lure them down there, whether it was by talk, alcohol, date-rape drugs, etc....and then proceed to soil them, time after time, on this one couch. Now, when all the boys came over, none of us would want to sit on this couch, because we all knew what had been done on it....hence it was dubbed the COUCH OF SIN!!

Here's that guy -

I guess we have to put one socio-political thought on here

2004-05-10T19:13:00.000-05:00

When I think of Norway, I think of the old quote that cross-country skiing isn't a sport, it's how a Norwegian gets to the 7-11. But after reading this gem today, I'm not so sure about those wacky Nords.

OK, end of serious discussion. Time for fun.

I'm the DJ, he's the rapper

2004-05-10T18:54:00.000-05:00

If Uch can do it, why can't we?