Sunday, October 31, 2004

Eyes Wide Shut

There's something completely odd about attending a wedding on Halloween weekend, particularly when the bride and groom are odd. I could fill out an endless post with some of the strange things they came up with, and maybe with more sleep, at some point I will. A quick taste: bride wore a black dress, the placecards were tombstones, it was a costume party, the cake was dark chocolate frosted, the bridesmaids dresses had bat wings, etc.

But first, I have to get this tale off my chest, and as far as I know, it's 100% true. Allow me to explain.

I was dressed up in a mascot uniform. Now, when I'm at weddings, a couple of slow songs with the wife, the token House of Pain jumping around...that's about it. Most of the rest of the time, I'm off the floor and getting my drink on.

But when you're dressed up as a mascot, it's a license to party. There's no shame or self-conciousness. So I was dancing...a lot.

At one point I found myself dancing amongst a group, when another guest started dancing near me. Now, I can't be 100% sure of what she said, because the music was loud, and wearing a mascot head, well, it makes it hard to hear. But I'm pretty damn sure she was looking at me when she said:

"Wearing that thing makes it so easy for me to hit on you. I could suck your's like you're an inanimate object."

Now, Clubber's an alright guy...not a geek, but not usally the life of the party. So, having a woman dressed up in a cheerleader's outfit (albeit one where the team name was "Satan" instead of a traditional team) saying this to Clubber on the dancefloor...with his wife less than 50 yards a way...well, Clubber was certainly thrown for a loop.

The kicker to this story: this guest was actually a former member of a fairly well-known 90's alternative band. There's actually a Yahoo! newsgroup dedicated to her. So, I was actually hit on by a semi-celebrity.

Two words: Mind fuck.

Of course, the other mildly ironic part of this story is that the celebrity's brother had actually hit on my wife an hour earlier. Too much scotch for him I guess.

What a wacky wedding. I'll never be it another one like it, I can tell you that.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Now that the Red Sox have FINALLY won the World Series....

Well, it finally happened - the 4th or 5th sign of the apocalypse. Seeing as that it has been a rather interesting year in sports, a year that saw MANY trends ended, such as....(courtesy of ESPN.)

Droughts broken in 2004:

-Phil Mickelson was 0-42 in majors AS A PRO before his win at the Masters
-Peyton Manning was 0-3 in the playoffs before beating the Broncos (was looking to avoid joining Y.A. Tittle as only 0-4 QBs). Manning also topped the Chiefs the following week.
-Kevin Garnett was 0-6 in playoff series before the T'Wolves beat the Nuggets (Garnett joined Chris Dudley and Jerry Sloan as the only players to win their first series in their 7th attempt).
-Dave Andreychuk appeared in 1,753 games (reg. and postseason) before his first Stanley Cup (an NHL record).
-The Astros were 0-7 in postseason series before their win (was the worst playoff record in MLB)
-Northwestern defeated Ohio State for the first time since 1971 (snapping a 24-game losing streak to OSU, the longest streak in Big Ten history).
-USC won a share of the National Championship for the 1st time since 1978 -- LSU for the 1st time since 1958.
-Calgary Flames made the playoffs for the first time since 1996 (ending the longest active drought in NHL).
-Canadian team (Flames) reached Stanley Cup Finals for 1st time since 1994 (Canucks), ending longest streak without an Canadian team.
-Dodgers win a postseason game for the first time since 1988, made the playoffs for 1st time since 1996.
-Washington State won AT UCLA in basketball for the first time ever (snapping 47-game losing streak).

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

He must've been watching Small Wonder

Man's TV sets off universal distress signal

Pour out some of the 40...

...for Maggie, the beloved family dog, whose passed away this morning.

Monday, October 18, 2004

O-VER-RAT-ED (clap, clap, clapclapclap)

Esquire magazine ranks Angelina Jolie as sexiest woman alive


Turn on Univision, Telefutura, or Telemundo once in a while, and there...there you will see what sexy is.

The rest of the top 5.

2. Jessica Simpson (also vastly overrated)
3. Beyonce (OK, but she doesn't do much for me)
4. Charlize Theron (much better)
5. Jennifer Aniston (again, much better)

Thursday, October 14, 2004

I often get them mixed-up too

Billboard can't keep Usher and George Srait straight

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

I'm the Dude...or el duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing....

Which Big Lebowski character are you?

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Dude, you got bigger problems than Eminem mocking you

Michael Jackson's feelings are hurt and he wants something done about it

It ain't "We are the World"!

Seems like some "musicians" got together to rally support for ridding the White House of good ol' Dubya....

Irrelevant Pop Stars Unite Against Bush

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to motivate Americans to go to the polls on Nov. 2, a coalition of irrelevant pop stars is winding up a 36-city tour that will culminate in a concert on Oct. 11 in Washington, D.C.

"The Vote For Change tour has been put together by a wide cross-section of artists with one purpose: to remove Bush from office," said Stone Gossard, whose band Pearl Jam enjoyed popularity during the grunge phase of the early to mid-'90s. "Not everyone here is pro-Kerry, but everyone here agrees that Bush has to go. Just rocking the vote isn't enough. You've gotta rock for change."

Pearl Jam will share the stage with such onetime chart-toppers as Jackson Browne, John Fogerty, and Crosby, Stills & Nash.

"I can't let this election take place without knowing I fought as hard as I could for a more compassionate leader," 51-year-old John Mellencamp said. "If playing my 1986 hit 'R.O.C.K. In The U.S.A.' at the Hancher Auditorium in Iowa City will dissuade people from voting for Bush, then I'm going to do it."

The Vote For Change bill contains a wide range of artists whose actual relationship with American politics remains unclear. Rock group R.E.M., blues artist Bonnie Raitt, and the country group Dixie Chicks will join R&B artists such as Kenny "Babyface" Edmonds, co-founder of LaFace Records, which released the Bodyguard soundtrack.

"I couldn't ignore all the bad that's going on," said Edmonds, who co-wrote Bobby Brown's 1992 single "Humpin' Around." "I had to do my part to stop all the... bad things."

Rounding out the bill are such lesser-known indie artists as 24-year-old singer-songwriter Conor Oberst (a.k.a. Bright Eyes), and Seattle-based rock band Death Cab For Cutie.

"Bush is fucking evil," said Nick Harmer, bassist for Death Cab For Cutie. "The economy is for shit, and we're stuck in this unjust war that he lied about to get us to agree to. Me and the other guys in the band wanted to do something real to get him out of office. We were like, 'We gotta do a concert.'"

Monday, October 11, 2004

Culture and shit

I elected to take the woman to the theatre for her birthday...on the condition that I got to pick the play. So, I chose a world premiere of an Arthur Miller play, figuring Art has made some pretty good things in the past.

She liked it, I tended to agree with the critics who thought it was eh.

One highlight that I missed we were walking into the theatre about 30 minutes before showtime, someone came flying into the lobby on their bike. The wife noticed that it was one of the stars.

Too bad I didn't realize it...I would have told Private Joker that he could come over and fuck my sister.

It was good to see Alice, Mike Hammer, and John "Axe" Adcox are all still doing good work, even if the play itself was a little lacking.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Two bad ideas for the price of one post

1) OK, the caffeinated beer I'm down with, but ginseng?

2) Just last night, I was extolling the virtues of this movie, saying that they could never make a movie like this again, because of the P.C. police. Until I find out today that they are remaking it. Uch, if I find out you're company has anything to do with it and you don't stop it, I'm charging you with murder two...depraved indifference to human life.