Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Man's best friend my ass

The wife got a dog yesterday. I don't really like dogs. I especially don't like dogs that jump or bite.

Within 60 seconds of my getting home, the dog jumped on me and bit me.

I barely slept last night...I was on "orange alert" most of the night. The dog's pissed in the house three times already and sleep is barely a part of her vocabulary. And she whines, lord does she whine.

Someday I may look back at this and laugh, but right now I'm just yelling "Serenity Now!"

Monday, August 23, 2004

I just love the "genius" of the NCAA.....

I don't get it.....the NCAA is not allowing him to play football, because he accepted sponsorships so HE COULD TRAIN FOR THE OLYMPICS, yet, for some reason, people like him get to practice and play, that is, until he is in trouble, again....but then he will probably get a slap on the wrist.



These are the same idiots who seem to think the BCS is a smart, direct way to determine the national championship in football.........

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Unless David comes back and Sammy gets canned...

...I'd rather watch the O's with a pork sandwich from Boog's in my hand than watch Van Hagar.

Van Hagar suing the Ooh-Aah Birds

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

I know, I know

All sorts of things in the world going on and I've disappeared. It's been work and turf toe, I swear. I'm missing the Olympics, my wife keeps nagging me to get a dog, they still can't figure out the A/C at work. I like this blogging shit...I can vent.

And, best of all, the governor of New Jersey is an (allegedly) sexually harrassing (admitted) homosexual.

My college buddies still remember two lines from my school days.

"I will not die in New Jersey"
- Clubber, circa 1994, on the way back from a Seton Hall game at the Meadowlands in a blinding snowstorm.

"What's that smell?
"Son, you're in New Jersey"
- Exchange with a toll collector at exit 16W of the Jersey Turnpike when asked about the stench eminating in the air.


Only in the Garden State could we have this happen...

...except for maybe here...

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

"Evil Empire" spoofed!



Here's one of the funniest comedians out there doing his famous spoof of our current resident of the Oval Office.....check it out!

Funny ass shit!

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

A question that's been bugging me for ages...

How could Oran "Juice" Jones afford a $3,700 lynx coat that he didn't want to mess up before he hit it big with "The Rain"?


Yeah, these things keep me up at night.

Alive and Kickin'

Don't say goodbye
Don't say goodbye
In the final seconds who's gonna save you?


I'm still around. Still can't shake the cold...it seems to be getting worse, in fact.

I'm just about over our softball team's 6-run collapse in the 7th to get knocked out of the playoffs. I went 4-5...I'm part of the me generation.

This morning I farted something that smelled like seafood.

My laptop's monitor broke...second time something bad went happeen to it in less than a year...IBM is getting close to the permanent banned list.

Back on the course tomorrow morning with Thundre and I can't wait.

Friday, August 06, 2004

Someone wanna explain this one???

Sports fans, I am stumped. I have been a Chicago Bulls fan since before they were "DA BULLS", and remember being at games in the old Chicago Stadium when Granville Waiters and Kyle Macy were our top scoring options. Yesterday, here's what the beloved did, and I can't figure out how this is going to make us better. This is courtesy of The Couch's good friends at ESPN....



Jamal Crawford is on his way to the New York Knicks.

After signing a seven-year deal with the Chicago Bulls, one that ESPN.com's Marc Stein reports is worth $56 million with a player option to became a free agent again in 2010, the point guard was traded to New York in a six-player deal that was weeks in the making.

In exchange for Crawford and veteran forward Jerome Williams, New York gave the Bulls got former Illinois standout Frank Williams, center Dikembe Mutombo, forward Othella Harrington and center Cezary Trybanski.

"Obviously Jamal is the best player in this deal, and it's not easy giving up a young talent like that," Bulls general manager John Paxson said. "The way that we looked at it is there were certain things we needed to get. We had to get substantial financial (relief) and this gives us some flexibility."

The deal will save the Bulls about $18 million in cap space. The contracts of all of the New York players expire after this year, and Jerome Williams still has $25 million and four years left on his current deal.

"It ends up being one we all can live with," Paxson said. "We're just not in a position to give Jamal the type of deal he was looking for, and Isiah was really good at working to get the player he wanted."

Crawford led the Bulls with 17.3 points a game last year and is one of the league's top young guards. After averaging 11.2 points and almost four assists in his first four seasons in the NBA, the restricted free agent would have commanded a hefty, long-term contract. But the Bulls have made prep-to-pro big men Tyson Chandler and Eddy Curry the cornerstones of their rebuilding effort, and as restricted free agents next summer, they'll be eligible for their own big deals.

Enter the Knicks.

New York general manager Isiah Thomas has been interested in Crawford for months, saying he was at the top of the Knicks' wish list this summer.

"He reminds me of myself in the way he handles the basketball and his ability to create and score," Thomas said of Crawford, who will wear Thomas' old No. 11. "The ability to score and pass the ball are two things that he possesses. He's a tremendous talent and I'm honored that he would choose No. 11 to wear."

Crawford wore No. 1 with the Bulls, but Penny Hardaway already has that number.

Crawford also gives the Knicks insurance for Allan Houston, who missed much of last season and the playoffs with knee and leg injuries. The Knicks lost to the New Jersey Nets in the first round of the playoffs.

"Last year when Allan (Houston) went down, we were saying that if he was healthy we'd be able to go further," Thomas said. "Before we started this whole chase and pursued it, we talked about if Allan was healthy and we talked about his coming off the bench. He had no problem coming off the bench."

Thomas also was excited about Jerome Williams, whose tenacious defensive play has earned him the nickname "Junkyard Dog." He's averaged 6.8 rebounds and 6.9 points in his eight NBA seasons, and was acquired by the Bulls last year in the trade that sent Jalen Rose to Toronto.

"Jerome Williams is a rebounding machine," Thomas said. "We forget the most important parts of the game is rebounding and scoring."

While the Bulls helped themselves economically, they're left with a young team again. Curry and Chandler have played only three seasons, and Chandler missed much of last year with back problems. Kirk Hinrich had a strong rookie season, but he's one year removed from Kansas. Ben Gordon and Luol Deng were picked in this summer's draft.

Frank Williams, who led Illinois to back-to-back Big Ten titles in 2001 and 2002, will give the back court some experience. But he's played in just 77 games in two years with New York, averaging 3.2 points and two assists.

"It's difficult to win with a young basketball team," Paxson said. "The concern right now is we are a young back court. I keep telling everybody, we talk so much about Jamal, but our hopes hinge on Tyson Chandler's health and Eddy Curry's development."

That's where Mutombo could help. An eight-time All-Star and four-time defensive player of the year, Mutombo has averaged 12.2 points, 12.1 rebounds and 3.33 blocked shots in 13 years with New York, New Jersey, Philadelphia, Atlanta and Denver. He is fourth in NBA history with 2,996 blocks.

He played in 65 games with the Knicks last season, averaging 6.7 rebounds and 5.6 points.

"I just know Dikembe through other people. The one thing I know about him is he's a true professional," Paxson said. "He's been around league and seen a lot of things, and he has a great, positive attitude about this business. It's going to be a wonderful thing for our young guys to learn from him."

Oh yeah, thanks again WLUP (and WIIL too)

For the second time this week, I've heard a song on two stations at the same time. The other night W. Axl reminded me that I could be his, but I'm way out of line. Today, Billy taught me for the 7,351st time that the definition of lonely is the night when you find yourself alone.

Seriously, I know he is the gayest straight man to ever live on this planet (and I can't wait for Gusto's joking retort to that comment (a three-foot putt involvoing somebody prominently linked on this page)), but does anybody...ANYBODY...still feel the need to hear another Billy Squier song? I mean, I like shitty classic rock more than anyone, but come on!!!

And I'm utterly fucking speechless that there is a Billy Squier website.

Off to the big crack pipe in the sky

RIP, Rick...we're better for having known you...I guess.

Thursday, August 05, 2004

WLUP, you're killing me

Even worse than the cold...even worse than the flatulence...the fact that I heard this song on the way to work this morning, and over 13 hours later, it's STILL stuck in my head.

How come no one ever gets this excited about my bowel movements

Nice caption editing, AP...

Allen Iverson contributes in more ways than one for USA Basketball

Editor's Note: Two hours later they fixed it, so if you missed the joke, well, it wasn't a "shot" that Iverson took in the original caption.

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Just ain't my day

I have a cold. The A/C was broken on my side of the office for four days, so it was 85 at my desk and 67 in other parts of the office...I'm blaming that, my walking back and forth between hot and cold, hot and cold, hot and cold. It's fixed now the A/C that is, but it's August in Chi-Town, and I'm ill...and it sucks. Today was my day off. Turned down an invite to go to the boat, couldn't go golfing...my only saving grace was that Rocky was on ESPN Classic, but now, nothing's on. I'm sitting around doing nothing. My wife wants me to clean the house, but I have no motivation.

Plus the grapefruit juice is giving me the worst gas.

From the "Can I have my cake and eat it too?" files....

Let me ask all you heterosexual males a question......

If you were married to this girl (Ali Landry), would you ever think about cheating on her? Well, that's exactly what our good friend A.C. Slater (Mario what's his name) did......can I get a "root" from the congregation? How greedy can one man get?


LATEST: Television couple ALI LANDRY and MARIO LOPEZ have given up on saving their brief marriage and have filed for divorce.

SAVED BY THE BELL star Lopez and actress-turned-TV host Landry wed in April (04), but split just days into their marriage.

Now, despite Lopez's efforts to save his marriage, his estranged wife has filed divorce papers in Los Angeles Superior Court, citing "irreconcilable differences".